C. Healthy Living · Healthy Living: Informed Choices for Body, Mind and Relationships

Speak Up, Step In: Preventing and Responding to Bullying and Harassment

C3.3About 70 minutes

Learning goals

I can recognize verbal, physical and social bullying, and sexual harassment, in person and online.
I can describe communication, social, refusal, adaptive and coping skills, and conflict resolution strategies, and when to use each.
I can use safe bystander strategies to help someone who is being bullied or harassed.
I can explain when and how to get adult help, and why some situations (like dating or domestic violence) always need it.

Words to know

bullying
Aggressive, usually repeated behaviour meant to hurt, scare or exclude someone, where there is a real or perceived power imbalance.

sexual harassment
Unwanted comments, jokes, gestures, touching, images or rumours of a sexual nature, in person or online.

gender-based violence
Violence or harassment aimed at someone because of their gender, gender identity or gender expression.

coercive behaviour
Using pressure, threats, guilt or manipulation to make someone do something they don't want to do.

ostracising
Deliberately leaving someone out or turning a group against them.

upstander
A bystander who takes safe action to help when someone is being bullied or harassed.

conflict resolution
Ways to solve a disagreement fairly, without violence or put-downs, such as calmly talking it through or getting a mediator.

A note before you start

This lesson deals with a serious topic. Take breaks if you need them. If anything in it reminds you of something hard in your own life, talk to a trusted adult, or contact Kids Help Phone (call 1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868, any time, free and confidential).

More than "just joking"

In a Grade 9 hallway: a group keeps calling a student a name about his weight. A girl gets comments about her body every time she walks past a certain table. A boy is called a homophobic slur in the change room. A student is shut out of a group chat after rumours spread. Someone keeps texting a classmate who has said stop.

None of these is "just joking". The Grade 9 curriculum asks you to describe skills and strategies (e.g., communication, social, refusal, adaptive, and coping skills, conflict resolution strategies) that can be used to prevent or respond to situations of verbal, physical, and social bullying and sexual harassment (e.g., gender-based violence, dating violence, domestic violence, homophobic comments, racial teasing or conflict, weight-based teasing, ostracising behaviour, coercive behaviour, inappropriate sexual behaviour) (C3.3).

Remember from Grade 8

In Grade 8 you analysed the impact of violent behaviours (bullying online and in person, dating violence, and gender-based and racially based violence) on everyone involved, and the role of support services. This year the focus is skills and strategies: what you can actually do to prevent and respond.

Type	Examples
Verbal	Name-calling, insults, racial teasing, homophobic comments, weight-based teasing, threats
Physical	Hitting, shoving, tripping, taking or damaging belongings
Social (relational)	Spreading rumours, ostracising (leaving out, turning others against someone), humiliating posts
Sexual harassment	Unwanted sexual comments or jokes, rating bodies, unwanted touching, sending sexual images, sexual rumours, pressure for dates or images
Online (cyberbullying)	Any of the above by text, social media or gaming chat; can be 24/7 and shared widely
Dating and domestic violence	Controlling, threatening, hurting or coercing a dating partner or family member: physically, emotionally, sexually or financially

Kinds of bullying and harassment named in the curriculum. Bullying usually involves repeated behaviour and a power imbalance; harassment and violence can be harmful even if they happen once.

Bullying almost always has an audience. When silent bystanders become upstanders, bullying often stops sooner.

Your skills toolkit

Communication skills: use a calm, firm voice and "I" statements: "I don't like that. Stop." Assertive, not aggressive.
Social skills: build a strong group of friends; include others; read the room (notice when a "joke" isn't funny to someone).
Refusal skills: say no clearly, repeat it, give a reason if you want, suggest an alternative, and walk away. Use these when someone pressures you to join in, forward a post, or do something sexual you don't want to do.
Adaptive skills: adjust to the situation: change your route, sit with friends, use the buddy system, block an account, use privacy settings.
Coping skills: manage hurt and stress: talk to someone you trust, write it down, exercise, breathing exercises, remind yourself it's not your fault.
Conflict resolution: for a conflict between equals (not bullying): cool down, each person explains calmly, listen, find a solution both can live with, or ask a peer mediator or adult. Conflict resolution is not used for bullying or abuse, because there is a power imbalance; those need adult help.

Five bystander strategies. Not every situation is safe for Direct action; Delegate and Delay are always options.

When it always needs an adult

Get adult help right away (a parent, teacher, principal, coach, or police in an emergency) when there is: physical violence or threats; sexual harassment or touching; dating or domestic violence; sharing of sexual images; hate based on race, religion, gender identity or sexual orientation; or anyone talking about self-harm. In Ontario, schools must respond to bullying, and the Human Rights Code protects people from harassment based on race, sex, gender identity, gender expression, sexual orientation, disability and other grounds.

Dating and domestic violence

Dating violence includes controlling a partner's phone or friends, constant jealousy, put-downs, threats, pressuring for sexual activity, or hurting them. Domestic violence is abuse within a family or home. Both are never the fault of the person being hurt. If it's happening to you or a friend: tell a trusted adult, call Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868), and call 911 if someone is in danger. For a friend: listen, believe them, don't judge, and help them get to an adult.

Worked example

Let's choose a strategy in the change room

In the change room, Liam hears two teammates call another boy a homophobic slur and laugh. The boy looks upset. Liam is worried about being targeted himself. What can he do?

Name it: this is verbal bullying and a homophobic comment, which is harassment.
Direct (if he feels safe): "Not cool. Knock it off." Short and calm.
Distract: "Coach wants us on the ice now," breaking up the moment.
Delegate: tell the coach or a teacher after, especially if it's repeated.
Delay: check in later: "That wasn't okay. You good?"
Even a quiet Delay or Delegate tells the boy he isn't alone.

Liam has many safe options. Choosing at least one turns a silent bystander into an upstander.

Worked example

Let's use refusal skills under pressure

A group chat is sharing an edited, embarrassing photo of a classmate and says, "Post it to your story or you're out." Model a response that uses refusal and communication skills.

Say no clearly: "No, I'm not posting that."
Give a reason (optional): "It's mean, and she didn't agree to it."
Suggest an alternative: "Let's just delete it."
Walk away: leave the chat if pressure continues.
Act: report the image to the platform, tell a trusted adult, and check in on the classmate.

A clear no, a reason, an alternative and an exit, plus reporting and support. The pressure to ostracise someone is coercive behaviour; refusing it takes courage.

Hands-on activity

Practise the scripts

You need: a family member or friend and these index-card prompts (write them out).

Write three short refusal lines and three upstander lines you'd actually say (e.g. "Not cool." "Leave her alone." "I'm out.").
Role-play three scenes with your partner: (a) a friend wants you to share a rumour; (b) someone makes a racist "joke" at lunch; (c) someone keeps commenting on your body.
Practise voice and body language: calm, firm voice; stand tall; eye contact; then walk away.
For each scene, also name the adult you would tell.

What to look for: short, clear statements (not insults back), confident body language, and a named adult for each scene.

Your turn

Name the three types of bullying in the curriculum and give an example of each.

Give two examples of sexual harassment.

What are the 5 Ds of bystander intervention?

What is the difference between assertive and aggressive communication?

Why isn't conflict resolution (mediation) used for bullying?

Name three situations that always need adult help.

More practice: warm-up

What is ostracising?

What is an upstander?

Is it ever the target's fault?

Name one coping skill.

What number do you call in an emergency?

More practice: on your own

A student says, "It was just a joke!" after teasing someone about their weight for weeks. Explain why it's still bullying.

Give an example of an adaptive skill for someone being harassed on the bus.

Your friend's partner checks her phone, tells her who she can see, and gets angry if she doesn't reply right away. What is this, and how can you help?

Write a calm "I" statement to respond to a racist joke.

When is Document a helpful strategy, and what's the limit?

Challenge

Design a school-wide plan to prevent homophobic and racial harassment. Include at least four strategies and the skills they build.

Compare how you would respond to (a) a conflict between two equal friends over a broken promise, and (b) a group repeatedly excluding one student. Explain the difference.

Explain how coercive behaviour connects bullying, sexual harassment and dating violence, and which refusal and communication skills help.

Check your understanding

Quiz

Which is an example of social bullying?

Which is an example of sexual harassment?

Which bystander strategy means getting help from a teacher, coach or other adult?

Which is an assertive response?

Why is mediation not right for bullying?

A friend says her partner controls her phone and who she sees. What's the best response?

For parents and teachers

About this content: This lesson covers C3.3 and quotes its wording, including its examples (gender-based violence, dating violence, domestic violence, homophobic comments, racial teasing, weight-based teasing, ostracising, coercive and inappropriate sexual behaviour). The topic can be upsetting for students who have experienced it; no humour block is included.

Facts used: Ontario's Bullying Awareness and Prevention Week is the week beginning on the third Sunday of November; the Ontario Human Rights Code protects against harassment on grounds including race, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression; Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868.

How to help at home:

Role-play the refusal and upstander lines together.
Ask, "What would you do if you saw...?" more than "Has this happened to you?". Teens often open up through hypotheticals.
If your teen tells you about bullying or harassment, stay calm, thank them, and contact the school together.
If you have concerns about dating or domestic violence affecting your teen, contact your doctor, school, Kids Help Phone or police.

Common difficulties: calling bullying "drama"; using conflict resolution for bullying; thinking upstanders must confront the bully directly (Delegate and Delay are often the safest ways to help).