D. Healthy Living · Healthy Living

Bullying, Abuse and Consent: Knowing It and Responding

D1.3 A1.4 A1.1 A1.2About 45 minutes

Learning goals

I can describe different types of bullying, including cyberbullying.
I can explain what abuse and non-consensual behaviour are, in simple words.
I can describe the impacts bullying and abuse can have on people.
I can choose safe ways to respond and know who to tell.

Words to know

bullying
Hurting someone on purpose, again and again, when there is an unfair difference in power.

emotional bullying
Hurting someone's feelings on purpose to make them feel scared, worthless or alone, like threats or making fun of who they are.

cyberbullying
Bullying using technology, like social media, apps, e-mail, text messages, chat rooms or websites.

abuse
When someone, often an older person or someone with more power, hurts a child or treats them in a harmful way.

consent
Asking first, getting a clear yes, and respecting the answer. People can change their minds.

non-consensual behaviour
Doing something to someone without their permission, or after they've said no.

impact
The effect something has on a person.

upstander
Someone who does something safe to help when they see bullying.

Everyone deserves to feel safe

Every person deserves to feel safe and respected at school, at home, online and in the community. Today you'll learn to recognize behaviour that isn't okay, understand how it affects people, and know what to do about it.

Remember from Grade 3

Bullying is on purpose, repeated, and involves unfair power. You learned physical, verbal, social and cyberbullying, how to be an upstander, and that consent means asking first and respecting the answer. This year you'll go deeper.

Bullying is on purpose, repeated, and involves unfair power, all at the same time.

Type of bullying	Examples
Physical	hitting, kicking, pushing, tripping, taking or breaking someone's things
Verbal	name-calling, insults, mean jokes about how someone looks or talks
Social	leaving someone out on purpose, spreading rumours, getting others to ignore someone
Emotional	threats, making someone feel scared or worthless, making fun of someone's identity: their culture, religion, skin colour, disability, family or how they express themselves
Cyberbullying	mean messages or posts, sharing embarrassing photos, leaving someone out of a group chat, pretending to be someone else online, using social media, apps, e-mail, text messages, chat rooms or websites

Types of bullying. Many bullying situations mix more than one type.

Why cyberbullying can feel worse

It can happen 24 hours a day, even at home.
Many people can see it, and it can be shared quickly.
It can be hard to delete completely.
People may say meaner things when they can't see the other person's face.

What to do: don't reply, save the evidence (take a screenshot or ask a grown-up to help), block and report, and tell a trusted adult.

Abuse

Abuse is when someone, often an older person or someone with more power, hurts a child or treats them in a harmful way. Abuse can be:

hurting someone's body on purpose,
emotional: always yelling, threatening, or saying a child is worthless,
not taking care of a child's needs, like food, a safe place to sleep or medical care, or
unsafe touching: touching a child's private parts (the parts covered by a bathing suit), or asking a child to touch theirs, or showing or asking for pictures of private parts.

Abuse is never the child's fault. Nobody is allowed to hurt you, even someone you know or love.

Non-consensual behaviour

Behaviour is non-consensual when someone does something to another person without their permission or after they've said no. Examples:

Tickling or hugging someone who said stop.
Touching someone's hair, hijab, turban or wheelchair without asking.
Reading someone's messages or diary.
Taking or sharing a photo of someone without asking.
Pressuring someone to do something they don't want to do.

Remember: No means no. Silence, pulling away or looking unhappy is not a yes. You also have the right to say no.

Secrets and surprises

A surprise is fun and gets told soon, like a birthday present.

A secret that makes you feel scared, confused or uncomfortable, or that someone says you must never tell, is not okay to keep. Tell a trusted adult, even if you promised.

The impacts

Bullying, abuse and non-consensual behaviour can affect people in many ways:

Body: injuries, headaches, stomach aches, trouble sleeping.
Feelings: feeling scared, sad, angry, ashamed, lonely or worried.
School: not wanting to go, trouble focusing.
Relationships: finding it hard to trust people.
Self: feeling bad about who they are.

It also affects bystanders, who may feel scared or guilty, and the whole class, which feels less safe.

The good news: when people get help and support, they can feel better.

Ways to respond

If it's happening to you:

Stay as calm as you can. Say firmly: "Stop. I don't like that."
Get away to a safe place, near an adult or friends.
Don't fight back or send mean messages back. That can make it worse.
Tell a trusted adult. If the first adult doesn't help, keep telling until someone does.

If you see it (be an upstander): don't join in or laugh, don't share mean posts, say "That's not okay" if it's safe, invite the person to join you, tell an adult, and check in later.

Trusted adults include a parent or caregiver, a teacher, a principal, a coach, a school counsellor, an Elder, or a relative. You can also call or text Kids Help Phone any time, day or night: 1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868.

If bullying is happening to you: say stop, get away, don't fight back, and tell a trusted adult until someone helps.

Worked example

Let's name the type and choose a response

Some kids in Ava's class made a group chat called "Everyone but Ava" and post jokes about her lunch, which is food from her family's culture.

Type: this is cyberbullying (a group chat), social (leaving her out on purpose) and emotional (making fun of her culture).
Impact on Ava: she may feel lonely, embarrassed or not want to eat lunch at school.
If Ava sees it: she doesn't reply, takes a screenshot, and tells her mom and her teacher.
If a classmate is in the chat: they don't add jokes, leave the chat, tell an adult, and sit with Ava at lunch.

This is cyberbullying, social and emotional bullying. Ava and upstanders can save the evidence, not join in, and tell a trusted adult.

Worked example

Let's think about consent

Marcus keeps poking his cousin Jada during a car ride. She says "Stop!" twice and he laughs and keeps going.

Jada said no (stop) clearly.
When Marcus keeps going after she said stop, it becomes non-consensual behaviour.
Jada's response: say it firmly again, move away if she can, and tell the adult driving.
What Marcus should do: stop the first time someone says stop, and say sorry.

Continuing after someone says stop is non-consensual. Consent means respecting the answer right away.

Hands-on activity

My trusted adult hand

You need: paper, a pencil and markers.

Trace your hand on the paper.
On each finger, write the name of a trusted adult you could talk to if you or someone else were being bullied or hurt. Try to include at least one adult at home and one at school.
On the palm, write Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868.
With your grown-up, practise what you would say: "I need to tell you something important. Someone is ___ and I feel ___."
Keep your hand somewhere you'll see it, like inside your binder.

Your turn

Name the five types of bullying from this lesson.

Give two ways cyberbullying can happen.

What is abuse, in your own words?

What makes a behaviour non-consensual?

Name three impacts bullying can have on a person.

What should you do if the first adult you tell doesn't help?

What is the difference between a surprise and an unsafe secret?

More practice: warm-up

Spreading a rumour is which type of bullying?

True or false: if someone is abused, it is partly their fault.

If someone says "stop" while you're tickling them, what should you do?

Should you send a mean message back to someone who cyberbullied you?

What is the Kids Help Phone number?

More practice: on your own

Name the type: someone says, "If you don't give me your snack every day, you'll be sorry."

Explain why cyberbullying can be harder to escape than bullying at school.

A classmate shares a funny photo of you without asking. Is that consensual? What could you do?

How can bullying affect the bystanders and the whole class?

Give two things an upstander can do safely.

Challenge

Explain how conflict, rude behaviour and bullying are different, with an example of each.

Why is it important to keep telling if the first adult doesn't help with abuse or bullying?

Write a short script for telling a teacher about cyberbullying. Include what happened, the evidence and how you feel.

Check your understanding

Quiz

Leaving someone out of a group chat on purpose, again and again, is...

Which is non-consensual behaviour?

If someone is being abused, whose fault is it?

What should you do first if you get a mean message online?

Which is an impact of bullying?

Someone tells you to keep a secret that makes you uncomfortable. You should...

For parents and teachers

Big idea: This lesson covers the Grade 4 expectation to describe various types of bullying, abuse, and other non-consensual behaviour (e.g., social, emotional, physical, verbal), including cyberbullying (e.g., via social media, apps, e-mail, text messaging, chat rooms, websites), and identify the impacts they can have and appropriate ways of responding (D1.3).

About the content: abuse is described simply. Unsafe touching is explained using the familiar idea of private parts as "the parts covered by a bathing suit" (correct names for body parts are taught in Grade 1). The main messages are: it is never the child's fault, you can say no, and keep telling a trusted adult until someone helps.

If your child tells you something: stay calm, listen, believe them, thank them for telling, and say it's not their fault. Don't promise to keep it secret. Contact your school, your local Children's Aid Society, or police if a child may be at risk. In Ontario, anyone who has reasonable grounds to suspect a child under 16 is or may be in need of protection must promptly report it directly to a children's aid society.

How to help at home:

Talk about trusted adults and practise the words to ask for help.
Model consent: ask before hugging, and respect your child's "no" in play like tickling.
Ask open questions about recess and online chats.

This lesson also builds relationship skills (A1.4), identifying and managing emotions (A1.1) and coping and help-seeking (A1.2).