Grade by Grade
D. Composition: Expressing Ideas and Creating Texts · Writing with Purpose, Voice and Evidence

Revising: Word Choice, Adding and Deleting, and Feedback

D2.5 A1.1About 40 minutes
Learning goals
  • I can revise word choice to make my writing clearer and stronger.
  • I can add sentences that help and delete sentences that don't.
  • I can link paragraphs so my whole text is coherent.
  • I can ask for feedback and use it to make a revision plan.

Words to know

revise
To change the ideas, words, sentences and order to make writing better.
clarity
Being clear and easy to understand.
focus
Staying on the main idea or purpose.
coherence
When all the parts fit together and flow in a sensible order.
transition
A word or phrase that links ideas or paragraphs: however, as a result, later that day.
feedback
Comments from a reader that help a writer improve.
success criteria
A checklist of what a strong text of this kind needs.

Remember from Grade 3

In Grade 3 you revised for clarity, focus and coherence using ARMS: Add, Remove, Move, Substitute, and you used feedback. In Grade 4 your texts are longer, with several paragraphs, so you will revise word choice carefully, decide which sentences to add or delete, and make sure your paragraphs link together.

Revising is not the same as editing

Revising improves the message: ideas, words, sentences and order. Editing fixes mistakes: spelling, punctuation and grammar. Revise first. There is no point fixing the spelling of a sentence you are going to delete!

Read your draft aloud, slowly, as if you were the reader. Ask:

  • Clarity: Will my reader understand every sentence?
  • Focus: Does every sentence help my main idea and purpose?
  • Coherence: Do my ideas and paragraphs flow in an order that makes sense?
1. REVISE firstImprove the message• ideas: add or delete• word choice• sentences• order of ideas2. Then EDITFix the mistakes• spelling• punctuation• grammar• capitalsWhy fix the spelling of a sentence you are going to delete?
Revise first to improve the message, then edit to fix the mistakes.
Revision moveLook forExample
Substitute vague wordsgood, nice, bad, stuff, things, a lot, went, gotThe snack was good → The apple slices were crisp and sweet.
Cut repeated wordsThe same word again and againThe dog barked. The dog ran. The dog... → The dog barked, then raced across the yard.
Add a sentenceA spot where the reader would ask How? Why? Like what?Add an example, a fact, a detail or a feeling.
Delete a sentenceOff-topic, repeated or confusing sentencesMy cousin likes ham in a report about owls.
Link paragraphsJumps between paragraphsBesides building lodges, beavers also...
Revision moves
Worked example

Let's revise a paragraph

Draft: Last weekend we went to a sugar bush. It was really good. We saw a lot of stuff. My sister has a new bike. We saw sap dripping into buckets. Then we went to see the big pot where they boil the sap. It was good.

  1. Substitute vague words: really good, a lot of stuff, good tell the reader nothing. Replace with exact details.
  2. Delete the off-topic sentence: My sister has a new bike.
  3. Add a sense detail where the reader wonders what was it like?: the sweet steam.
  4. Fix repeated words: went and saw appear many times. Choose stronger verbs: visited, watched, crowded around.
  5. Coherence: put events in time order with transitions: First, Next, Finally.

Last weekend, my family visited a sugar bush. First, we hiked through the snowy maple forest and watched sap drip, drop by drop, into metal buckets. Next, we crowded around the evaporator, where sweet steam rose in clouds. Finally, we tasted warm maple taffy rolled on snow. It was the sweetest day of the winter!

Getting and giving feedback with TAG

A reader can see things the writer can't. When you give feedback, use TAG:

  • Tell something you like: Your lead made me want to keep reading.
  • Ask a question: How did the character get out of the cave?
  • Give a suggestion: You could add what the cave smelled like.

When you receive feedback, listen, say thank you, and decide which ideas to use. It is your writing, so you choose. Then make a revision plan: list 2 or 3 changes you will make.

TTellsomething you like"Your lead made mewant to keep reading."AAska question"How did the characterget out of the cave?"GGivea suggestion"You could add whatthe cave smelled like."
Give feedback with TAG: Tell something you like, Ask a question, Give a suggestion.
Worked example

Let's use feedback to make a revision plan

A partner read your report on owls and gave TAG feedback: T: I loved the fact about their hearing. A: What do owls eat in winter? G: Your second paragraph talks about nests and food together; maybe split them.

  1. Thank your partner and read the feedback again.
  2. The question shows a gap: readers want to know about winter food. Plan to add sentences about it (after checking a source).
  3. The suggestion is about coherence: one paragraph has two topics. Plan to split it into Nests and Food.
  4. Add a transition to link the new paragraphs: Once the nest is ready, the parents must find food.
  5. Write the plan: 1. Add winter food facts. 2. Split paragraph 2. 3. Add a transition.

A clear revision plan with three changes, each connected to the feedback and to clarity, focus or coherence.

Use success criteria

Before you revise, list what a strong text of this kind needs (your success criteria). For a persuasive letter: clear opinion, three reasons, evidence for each, the other side answered, call to action. Check off each one in your draft. Anything unchecked goes on your revision plan.

Just for fun

Fixing the spelling of a sentence you're about to delete is like washing a sock you're about to throw away. Revise first, then edit!

Hands-on activity

Revision with coloured pencils

You need: a draft you wrote earlier (or a new paragraph of 6 to 8 sentences), three different coloured pencils, and a family member.

  1. Read your draft aloud.
  2. With colour 1, circle vague words (good, nice, stuff, a lot, went). Write a stronger word above each.
  3. With colour 2, cross out any sentence that is off-topic or repeated.
  4. With colour 3, draw a ^ where a reader might ask how, why or like what? and add a sentence.
  5. Ask a family member for TAG feedback.
  6. Write a revision plan with 2 or 3 changes, then rewrite the text.
  7. Compare the two versions. Which is clearer? Why?

Your turn

1

What is the difference between revising and editing?

2

Replace the vague word: We had a nice time at the lake.

3

Which sentence should be deleted from a paragraph about recycling? Paper goes in the blue bin. / Cans can be recycled. / My favourite colour is green.

4

What does TAG stand for?

5

Add a transition to link these paragraphs: Paragraph 1 is about what bats eat. Paragraph 2 is about where bats sleep.

6

Fix the repetition: It was cold. It was windy. It was dark.

7

What should you do after you get feedback?

More practice: warm-up

1

Should you revise or edit first?

2

Name two vague words to watch for.

3

What does coherence mean?

4

Name one transition word.

5

Why read your draft aloud?

More practice: on your own

1

Give TAG feedback on this lead: One day a kid went to a place.

2

Add a sentence that answers Like what?: Our town has many fun winter activities.

3

Revise for focus: Polar bears live in the Arctic. They hunt seals on the sea ice. I went to the zoo once. Polar bears have thick fur.

4

Substitute a stronger verb: The deer went into the forest.

5

A partner says your story's ending is confusing. Name two things you could do.

Challenge

1

Revise this paragraph for clarity, focus and word choice: Snowshoeing is fun. It is really fun. You go on snow. My mom likes tea. It is good exercise and stuff.

2

Explain why a writer doesn't have to use every piece of feedback.

3

Write success criteria (4 items) for a narrative.

Check your understanding

Quiz

1.

Which change is revising (not editing)?

2.

Which word is vague?

3.

In TAG, what does the G stand for?

4.

Which sentence would you delete from a report about wolves?

5.

What helps paragraphs flow together?

6.

A partner gives you feedback you disagree with. What is the best response?

For parents and teachers

Big idea (D2.5): Grade 4 writers revise drafts to improve clarity, focus and coherence, revising content and style elements such as word choice and adding or deleting sentences, and seeking feedback. Giving and receiving feedback builds collaboration and communication skills (A1.1).

How to help at home:

  • Ask your child to read their writing to you. Respond first as a reader: I loved the part where... I wondered...
  • Use TAG yourself. Children copy how adults give feedback.
  • Keep early drafts so your child can see how much their writing improved.

Common difficulties:

  • "I'm done!" Many children think revising means recopying neatly. Give one specific job: Find three vague words.
  • Fixing only spelling. Remind them: revise the message first, edit later.
  • Hurt feelings about feedback. Start with what works, and keep suggestions to one or two at a time.