Grade by Grade
D. Composition: Expressing Ideas and Creating Texts · Writing with Purpose: Research, Argument, Story and Media

Revising: Adding, Deleting, Revising and Reorganizing with Feedback

D2.5 A1.1 A1.2About 50 minutes
Learning goals
  • I can revise a draft by adding, deleting, revising and reorganizing sentences and paragraphs.
  • I can improve clarity, focus and coherence using transitions and a reverse outline.
  • I can ask for specific feedback and decide which feedback to use, and explain why.
  • I can revise elements of style and text features, not just words.

Words to know

revise
To improve the content, organization and style of a draft. (Editing fixes accuracy: spelling, grammar, punctuation.)
clarity
How easy a text is to understand.
focus
Staying on the main idea, with nothing off-topic.
coherence
How well ideas connect and flow in a logical order.
transition
A word or phrase that connects ideas, such as first, however, as a result, most importantly.
reverse outline
An outline made after drafting, by writing the main point of each paragraph, to check focus and order.
feedback
Comments from a reader about what works and what could be better.

Remember from Grade 6

In Grade 6 you revised by adding, deleting and re-sequencing sentences, revised in passes (content, organization, style), and chose which feedback to use.

In Grade 7 the curriculum adds two moves: revising sentences (rewriting them to be clearer or stronger) and reorganizing (moving sentences and paragraphs). You'll also check coherence with transitions and a reverse outline, and you'll learn to ask for the feedback you need.

AddDeleteReviseReorganizeclarity, focus, coherence
Four revision moves, all aiming at clarity, focus and coherence.

A draft paragraph (written for this lesson)

(1) Many Ontario lakes freeze over in winter, but lake ice is never guaranteed to be safe. (2) Ice fishing is popular. (3) Then check the ice with an adult who has the right tools. (4) Before going on any ice, ask people who know the area, such as local ice-fishing operators or a park office, about current conditions. (5) My uncle has a really nice ice-fishing hut that is painted red. (6) Clear blue ice is stronger than white ice. (7) Ice can be dangerous. (8) Always go with an adult and never go alone.

A small wooden ice-fishing hut standing alone on a snow-covered frozen lake with pine forest along the shore.
The draft paragraph is about ice safety on lakes like this one. As you revise, ask which sentences really help the reader stay safe, and which ones, like the uncle's red hut, are off topic. AI-generated image
Worked example

Let's revise the paragraph

Use the four moves on the draft above.

  1. Delete (5): the uncle's red hut is off-topic (focus).
  2. Delete (7): Ice can be dangerous repeats sentence (1).
  3. Reorganize: (4) asks about conditions before going out, so it should come before (3). Change Then to Next.
  4. Revise (2): Ice fishing is popular doesn't connect to safety. Rewrite it as a sentence that tells readers what the paragraph will do: For anyone planning to ice fish or skate on a lake, a few steps can lower the risk.
  5. Add transitions for coherence: First, Next, While checking, Most importantly.
  6. Add a useful detail to (6): grey ice can be a sign of water in the ice, so it is not safe.

Revised paragraph (changes in bold):

Many Ontario lakes freeze over in winter, but lake ice is never guaranteed to be safe. For anyone planning to ice fish or skate on a lake, a few steps can lower the risk. First, ask people who know the area, such as local ice-fishing operators or a park office, about current conditions. Next, check the ice with an adult who has the right tools. While checking, look at the colour: clear blue ice is stronger than white ice, and grey ice can be a sign of water in the ice, so it is not safe. Most importantly, always go with an adult and never go alone.

It is clearer (logical steps), more focused (nothing off-topic) and more coherent (transitions connect each step).

Try a reverse outline

After you finish a draft, write the main point of each paragraph in the margin in five words or fewer. Then read only the margin.

  • Does every paragraph have one main point? If a paragraph has two, split it.
  • Are any two paragraphs about the same point? Combine them.
  • Is the order logical? If not, reorganize the paragraphs.
  • Does every point support the thesis or purpose? If not, delete or revise it.
1 We need a bike rack2 Safety: bikes on fence3 More students would bike4 Safety again5 Conclusionsamepoint:combine
A reverse outline of a pretend bike-rack essay: one short note per paragraph in the margin. Reading only the notes shows that paragraphs 2 and 4 make the same point.
Worked example

Let's use feedback selectively

Mateo's persuasive essay argues for a school bike rack. He asked a classmate, his dad and his teacher for feedback. (Mateo is pretend.)

  1. Ask specific questions. Instead of Is it good?, Mateo asked: Which reason is weakest? Is my counterclaim fair? Where did you get confused?
  2. Classmate: Your second reason has no evidence. → Use it. It's specific and helps the argument. Mateo adds a count of bikes locked to the fence.
  3. Dad: Write about skateboards instead, they're more fun. → Don't use it. It changes Mateo's topic and purpose.
  4. Teacher: Paragraphs 2 and 4 both talk about safety. → Use it. Mateo combines them and reorganizes.
  5. Explain the choices: I used feedback that helped my purpose and audience, and I didn't use feedback that would change my topic.

Good writers seek specific feedback and use it selectively, measuring each suggestion against their purpose and audience.

Just for fun

True story: The writer Ernest Hemingway said he rewrote the last page of his novel A Farewell to Arms 39 times. When asked what the problem was, he answered: "Getting the words right." Your second draft is in good company.

Giving feedback that helps

Use Praise, Question, Suggest:

  • Praise something specific: Your opening question hooked me.
  • Ask a question: What do you mean by "a lot of bikes"?
  • Suggest one change: Could you add the number of bikes you counted?

Be kind, be specific and be helpful. Talk about the writing, not the writer.

Hands-on activity

Reverse outline and revision memo

You need: a draft you have written (at least four paragraphs, or use an old school assignment), sticky notes, a pencil, and a family member.

  1. Write the main point of each paragraph on a sticky note (five words or fewer). Put the notes in a row.
  2. Read only the sticky notes. Do they tell a clear, logical story? Move the notes to try a better order.
  3. Write two specific questions for your family member, like Which part was confusing? or Is my ending strong?
  4. Your family member reads the draft and answers with Praise, Question, Suggest.
  5. Revise. Use at least one add, one delete, one revise and one reorganize.
  6. Write a revision memo: list your four changes and explain why each one improves clarity, focus or coherence. Also note one piece of feedback you didn't use and why.

Your turn

1

Name the four revision moves in the Grade 7 curriculum.

2

What's the difference between revising and editing?

3

What does coherence mean?

4

Which sentence should be deleted for focus? (1) Snowshoes spread your weight over the snow. (2) That's why you sink less. (3) My favourite colour is purple. (4) Wider snowshoes work better in deep, powdery snow.

5

Add a transition: Mix the flour and salt. ___, add the water slowly.

6

What is a reverse outline?

7

Turn Is my story good? into a specific feedback question.

More practice: warm-up

1

What does focus mean in writing?

2

Name two transitions that show order.

3

True or false: you must use every piece of feedback you receive.

4

What does reorganize mean?

5

What are the three parts of Praise, Question, Suggest?

More practice: on your own

1

Revise for clarity: The thing about it is that it kind of helps people in a lot of ways. (Topic: the community food bank.)

2

Reorganize these sentences into a logical order: (a) Finally, they release the fish back into the stream. (b) Students at the hatchery first collect the eggs. (c) Over the winter, the eggs hatch in tanks. (d) In spring, the young fish grow in outdoor ponds.

3

A reverse outline shows: P1 why we need a garden, P2 cost of garden, P3 why we need a garden (health), P4 conclusion. What should be revised?

4

Your aunt suggests adding a joke to your serious report on water safety. Your teacher suggests adding a diagram. Which do you use? Why?

5

Give Praise, Question and Suggest feedback on: Winter is good. I like it. Snow is fun.

Challenge

1

Revise this paragraph using all four moves, and list what you did: Recycling is important. Many things can be recycled. My sister collects stamps. Recycling saves resources. Paper, metal cans and many plastics can go in blue bins in many Ontario communities. Recycling is important.

2

Explain how adding transitions changes a reader's experience of a text.

3

You received five pieces of feedback that disagree with each other. Describe a process for deciding what to use.

Check your understanding

Quiz

1.

Which move fixes a sentence that is off-topic?

2.

Which is a revision (not an edit)?

3.

A reverse outline helps you check…

4.

Which feedback is the most useful?

5.

Which transition shows contrast?

6.

Your friend suggests changing your argument's topic completely. You should…

For parents and teachers

Big idea (D2.5): Grade 7 students revise the content, elements of style, patterns and features of their drafts, adding, deleting, revising and reorganizing sentences to improve clarity, focus and coherence, using a variety of strategies and seeking and selectively using feedback. Working with feedback builds transferable skills such as collaboration, critical thinking and self-directed learning (A1.1, A1.2).

How to help at home:

  • When your child asks Is it good?, ask back: What do you want me to look for?
  • Use Praise, Question, Suggest, and start with the praise.
  • Celebrate deleting! Cutting a favourite but off-topic sentence is a sign of a mature writer.

Common difficulties:

  • Revision that's only spelling fixes. Remind them that revising is about ideas and organization; editing comes later.
  • Taking all feedback, or none. Ask: Does this help your purpose?
  • Missing transitions, so ideas feel like a list.

Safety: go on lake ice only with an adult, and only once local authorities or people who know the area say conditions are safe. The draft paragraph and Mateo are written for this lesson.